Day 87 "Act Of Free Fall"

For some time now the old me and the new me have been hanging in a balance. We have been precariously dangling from the edge of a knife, both perpetually, and potentially, in need of an imminent fall.

Both sides trying to save the other from the fatal decent into emptiness. Both this past and present idea of who I am, who I am supposed to be, struggling to keep the future me at arm’s reach.

The strength of fear has pushed us to this edge, while the strength of fear has kept us from the inevitable decent.

This fear of a change that I cannot come back from.

 I can see that fear  has been playing both of us for puppets, and I can see that together the past, present and future I, will have to work together to end this puppet masters devious ways.

Together two of us must sacrifice ourselves for the third, for the future.

I am no longer concerned about fear, and from this point I am poised to raise my hand above my head and cut these strings that pull me along; ready to free myself from these vile strings that keep me so stagnant and paralyzed.

I know that I am ready to fall, ready to pull both of us down to become the other one upon hitting the ground.

It is no longer about fear or hanging in the balance. It is no longer about who has been pulling the strings or why I would let them.

It is about the art of falling, and the desire to destroy the illusion of safety to have a chance at something real.

It is about falling towards myself and finding the future me.