Day 17 "Forward Step Backwards"

I don't know where I am going.
Just one foot in front of the other, in the hopes that they will lead me out of this alien landscape that has become my life.
Even familiar faces are starting to take on the aspects of the strangers I pass. I must be missing the point, or missing some sign? Perhaps I am just not looking for any specific answer, other than the one that I hold on to with every ounce of who I am?
Is this how it was always meant to be?
How did I get here?
Where the hell is here in the first place?
Am I ever supposed to get out of this void?
I don't want to be in this place anymore. This steady sense of uneasiness that I may be hoping on the wrong outcome, that I may be following the wrong instinct, that I may in fact be lying to protect myself.
How am I supposed to know any of this in time to correct a wrong action? How am I supposed to know when to let go of anything that I believe in for the sake of moving ahead? Ahead to where exactly? Where is it that I am going exactly?
One step that follows another step, and then another; forward, forward, forward. Why does moving forward feel so much like moving backwards?
I am doing this well they say...am I? I don't feel like I am doing anything but thinking and waiting.
Look at how I am making moves they praise, but from where I am standing I am just so fucking paralyzed.
How can they not see this?
I spend my days in this honest place, so deep down in my psyche. I see behind the masks of so many of those around me, and behind those bullshit facades, I can see their searching for something as well.
One foot forward to the past they walk, but I won't talk to them about their dark passenger, because I am too selfish and stuck in my own analytical mind to really care.
I know that this honesty is far from attractive, hell, as I type this I scan over to Danbox and see him staring at me as if my current rough mood is stealing his sunshine, and honestly, I am pretty sure my dark cloud just pissed all over him.
He doesn't complain though, because he knows that this is just part of the journey, that this is all trial by fire. In the end he knows that I am trying my best to find the lit path out of this outstretching darkness.
He knows that I am trying the best that I can.
I don't hold on to the hope that I am getting out any time soon, but I do still hold on to hope...and that is the most important thing that I can think of.