Day 20 "Heart In A Jar"

I have placed much in the hands of fate, and even more in the power of faith. I have learned about patience, ego, and weakness; and strength.

I have learned what it means to fight for something that you would give your life for, and more importantly I have learned what it means to give your life for that something.

I have learned about the truth in lies, and I have uncovered secrets buried deep within my mind. These scared secrets that cower in the darkest and most vulnerable place deep inside.

There is something here, within this moment, this something that speaks to me with both calmness and fear. 

I am unsure as to what is the next step to take on my journey. It is as if I have been slowly making my way to the darkest crossroad in my heart, as if my intention all along has been to arrive to an impossible but necessary choice.

The path that I believe I must take feels like it has a roadblock; is this hope and desire's doing? Am I supposed to move not one step further...yet?

The other fork in the road, the one path I desire more than anything to walk, has a wall whose architect built with an unknown mortar, and I cannot hope to tear this wall down and walk this path again without the help of this architect either.

So I stand, between what I think I know and what I think I want; paralyzed.

I attempt to limit the breathing room that I give for silence and analyzing, always I keep myself busy and distracted, but I can hear the words that I once read in this letter in a jar.

These words hidden in this jar, the words written by the architect of my prison.

I am not prepared to once again open this Pandora's box, not at all ready for what emotions it wills me to embrace...so for the moment it stays placed inside a simple jar.

I can feel as Danbox watches from a distance as I hold this jar containing these last thoughts so close to my chest, and I can tell that he does not understand fully why I would make such a sentimental gesture without reason.

After a moment he stands before the jar, and with arms outstretched he tries to push the jar over, but its weight is as heavy for him as it is for me. Moments later he turns to stare me straight in to my eyes, and I could tell he was gaining an understanding of why he must not spill the contents of this glass prison. Danbox pulls away from the letter and nods in understanding, that this is mine alone, my secret, my heart in a jar.

I know the little box man understands that some secrets can only, and should only, be uncovered and put on display by the one person that knows how to decipher them.

Today I will walk another day in my own shoes, with half a heart to keep me company...the other half will be kept safe in a jar.