Day 183 "Sometimes"

It was a beautiful day today, a sunny day with beautiful company; it was one of those days where I did not make the mistake of taking the moment for granted.

I felt the sun hot sun upon my skin as I made my way from one shady area to another, in an almost useless attempt to stay cool. I could feel the calming breeze as it attempted to lift my spirits even higher, and I walked beside a friend who wanted to walk beside me. That feeling of being appreciated is such a powerful human desire.

Sometimes I forget to appreciate the ones that take time out of their lives to make time for me. Sometimes I take everything for granted...but then again sometimes I don't.

Sometimes I don't even feel the warmth of anything, because my ego demands my full attention on cold calculations and bitter hearts. Other times there is no cooling of the purifying sun that seeks to burns away this aggressive ego.

Sometimes this breeze does not carry such a calming emotion with it, no, sometimes this breeze stings like a bitter northern wind.

Sometimes I do not take the extra moment to look over at the one that has chosen to walk beside me, so lost in my own thoughts…but then again, sometimes I do.

A bad mood on a sunny day has not been an alien concept over the years for me, but a smile in a dark place has not been a stranger either.

The more I attempt to break free of the memories and plans I made for my future in my past, the more I appreciate the fact that I can still make new ones in my present.

I have made the mistake of becoming a dark cloud on a sunny day far too many times.

I have made company with the hollow and wounded ego a few too many times more.

I have, at times, fallen out of balance with even my own self in order to stay that negative cloud for a moment more.

There are times when I am too exhausted that I refuse to relax. These times when I am thirsty for more knowledge and I refuse to learn, and those times when I can't seem to drink quite enough.

I may be flawed to the core.

I may keep trying to find the shade.

I may walk with this heavy and burdened ego, but I still choose to keep walking ahead.

I may push everything away from time to time, and I may forget to appreciate what I should appreciate; but sometimes I don't forget either, sometimes I get my perspective right.

Sometimes I stop to feel more, to acknowledge more, to learn more.

Sometimes I am aware of all of this beauty.