Day 194 "Demons Down The River"

There are still so many daunting expectations for myself, so many demands on what I am to accomplish, who I am supposed to be, and who I am supposed to leave behind.

Not a day exists where I don’t trip over this ego’s desire to push myself further ahead, to keep my head above the waterline, to somehow keep myself from joining my demons at the bottom of the riverbed.

I have learned to manage the stresses I no doubt created, but how long can I manage these without taking these stresses on head on?

I have learned to weather the storms I no doubt have given momentum to, but how long can I be expected to stand against these emotional forces with my eyes closed in fear?

I have found strength in knowing that I still have the ability to escape this chaos of ambition, that I still have the ability to still my mind, but how long can I escape what I cannot accept?

How long do I ever have before this impossible river takes me away?

I stand atop the edge of a cliff, submitting completely to the beauty of nature, in the hope that I can keep ahead of these demons that always seem to keep close pace with my every step, as if the past itself refuses to wash down and away from this present mind.

I gaze into the water, trying to see the reflection of a familiar face, trying to see myself without this mask, trying to feel at peace, if only for a single moment.

The waterfall does not slow its pace for me, it does not care to calm itself long enough to not distort my reflection in the disturbed water, it does not desire to give me peace on my terms.

I stand atop this ledge, staring into the unstoppable force of my life, and I let go for a single moment, this desire to control everything…and for one beautiful moment I witness as the waterfall washes all these demons down into my past.