Day 204 "Taking A Time Out"

It is so easy to get caught up in the daily grind of stress and ambition. How simple it is to tangle yourself up in the expectations of everything and everyone. Just how often do we find ourselves inventing prisons of expectations that cost more emotionally that we could ever afford?

You start one project at a young age, with the intent to complete it and then move on to bigger and better things ahead, then one day you wake up a little older, and you look back on all the time that has passed you by.

I acquired this stress through those young ambitions of mine.

I bought the ticket to anxiety and now I want off the ride.

I do remember thinking that I could manage my ambition, my time, and even my faith; in such a way that I would never feel the need to walk away for a bit, to escape it all as often as I now want to, in the hope that I can somehow recharge and rethink what it is exactly that I am doing with my life.

I shouldn’t want a vacation from my own life should I?

I used to be ignorant to the necessity of taking a time-out, and I pushed myself to the limits of exhaustion. I challenged myself through every moment I had and knew I might not have again.

Those childhood projects that act as bitter orphans are all calling out now, and they are asking me to look their way once again…I am just not sure if I ever can.

I am not the old me anymore, and my inner voice has changed too much to be even recognized by my own self; all I have left are memories of a time that becomes more of a blur by every demanding day I reach.

I started those projects in another life that I didn’t want a vacation from.

I started beautiful futures that I lacked the discipline to fully create.

I was younger once, and I thought I had more time; we always think we have more time.

Today I smiled at the realization that I don't need to keep pushing myself so hard to achieve this destiny I have always felt owed to me, today I relearned the art of taking a moment, to simply be thankful that I am alive.

Today I don’t expect more time than I have right now.