Day 114 "Create And Destroy"

Looking over this city on a sunny day, I have to take a moment to soak in this

impressive testament in our ability to create...only equaled by our ability to destroy.

It is true that as we get older we see the perspective better than we did in our youth, back then when we believed we knew everything, and when we thought that our

opinions had any weight at all.

When we used to only feel the complete one-sided mind of a disenchanted youth.

When we had a bad day and so everything sucked.

When we had a great day and so life would always be this way.

My adult mind lays waste to those thought patterns now.

Now, a bad day is tempered by reason, and a good day always feels like it is fading too fast to fully enjoy.

Now the highs and lows are more or less kept in check, along with the ego; where in my youth it ran unchecked and unsupervised.

Today as I look upon the skyscrapers and the man-made parks that used to naturally exist, before we needed to tear them down and build them back up, I can feel almost an anger in the heat that emanates off the hardened concrete…and still there exists the slightest wind that gracefully, and almost forgivingly, brushes against my face; in a world of concrete and dead gods, there still seems to be hope.

What will I build in my lifetime?

What will I bring down?

Will I ever create something impressive? Or does my gift lie in the ability to destroy so fully?

One day I will look upon these man made titans as an older man, and I will have to look back on my life and see if I built anything to rival their impressiveness.

I sometimes fear that I might only end up leaving a trail of burned dreams along these scorched paths that I have chosen to walk. 

Sometimes I think that I may have left this burnt path so my past would know where I have been, where I am going, where I had tried, and where it can find me.

Sometimes I think I simply don’t know any other way.

There is no doubt in my mind that I must learn to pay attention to at least a few more of these steps ahead of me, a few more of those signs in the immediate distance, and somehow learn to accept that some of the things I have destroyed cannot be rebuilt.