Day 240 "How Long Is Good-Bye?"

I send a piece of myself away with every good-bye that I have to say.
I can never know what will become of the part of me that I unwillingly gave away.
Will it ever come back? and if it does, will it look the same in any way at all?

I am a carving made up of both "hello's" and "good-bye's".
This will to connect combined with this attempt to hold on to any heart with this terribly weak grip of mine.
These pieces I have sent away are quickly called betrayers of my loyalty, and in my darkness I forget that I gave them up so willingly.
I am the only betrayer here.

In the silence, as I clench my teeth and tighten my fists, I speak to myself with certainty "I will not give even one piece more!”,
“I will not defend with my heart ever again!”
“I will not succumb to the vampires of my affections even a moment longer!"
But I know better than to believe this moments anger, than to listen to the dark passenger and its desire to see all things burn that do not protect me as I protect them.
I know that I have a terribly weak grip in which to hold on to the heart of another, but I defend, and I give... and I still give.

Despite this terribly weak grip, I still try to hold on, even as I say "good-bye".