Day 286 "A Dying Message"

These dead leaves that fall are so beautiful as they cover this cold ground beneath my feet, with one last act of defiance before their final decay, these bright leaves showcase their passing beauty, as if to say one final good-bye before they disappear once again.
Seasons change, but not as often as life.
As I walk this colorful road, feeling so colorless and alone, I look to Danbox for some sort of similar sentiment, for some proof that it’s not just me fighting back the tears brought on by a memory of a soul that I can no longer reach, for proof that I am not truly alone.
I have allowed myself the luxury of a defeatist attitude, I have given myself a long moment to feel as though I am the victim here, that my loss is the greatest loss there is; that I am the only heart bleeding deeply.
Beneath my feet is proof that all things change, like the seasons, but much more often.
At my side is proof that being alone is a state of mind and not an actual truth, and I am thankful for the fellowship of Danbox yet once again.
How could I ever forget that he might also walk with a bleeding heart of his own? That he might also see the sadness in a beautiful and vibrant leaf defeated by the will of gravity once again.
I have allowed myself the luxury of self-pity, and I have forgotten the importance of being thankful for the gift of even one single moment shared with the ones we love.
In this terrible self-pity I have forgotten, that it is every beautiful soul that is forced to watch the seasons change against their will.
I know that we all walk around with hearts filled with holes in the shape of those we have lost.
I know that we all have our own lonely path to walk.
I know that we all have to witness gravity dragging beauty to the ground at some point, whether we desire to or not.

Somehow I have locked myself in a temporarily caged mind that forgets that I was never guaranteed another day with anyone at all.
Somehow I forgot that every second is a gift, and even the changing of seasons is a gift as well, even if it feels the opposite; because to be here in this moment is the biggest gift of all; I have to believe that.

I walk these streets littered with the beautiful dead, and I slow my pace to stop from trying to escape from this proof that nothing lasts forever. I slow my pace so that I can appreciate the moments that I was given with them, so that I can appreciate even one more second alongside Danbox.
I stop to appreciate the life that you shared with me my brother.
I stop to appreciate the absolute gift of your brief life, and I truly hope wherever you are that you always knew that.

I hope that you sent down one of these beautiful dead leaves to remind me, that you were once alive, and now you are forever.