One of these sides is familiar and reserved in its safety, and the other is trying to run head first into the war waged by fear of the other side.
One of these sides will place walls ahead of him in an effort to stop the progression towards the battlefield, while the other has chosen to break these walls of supposed security down.
Today I feel like I have a choice to stop building walls, but there is no denying my fear of that unknown battlefield in the distance.
Even though I may feel as though I am strong enough to overcome myself and my reservations, there is still such a strong pull towards the safety of the known and quietness of obscurity; but I can hear fear smashing the walls in the distance now, fear is getting closer and closer with each second I hesitate, and that means the battle is being brought to me.
I used to cover my ears and close my eyes to the unknown.
I used to walk backwards while trying to walk forwards.
I used to look at fear as an impossible enemy with no weakness to be found.
Now this other side of myself, this side that built so many difficult walls, is asking me to place down the tools that I used…and run, but not backwards. This time I am being asked to rush ahead and meet this encroaching fear, this time I am being asked to break through as many walls as I can, this time I am supposed to bring the battle to the field.
There is no safety in waiting to move, only the illusion of it.
There is no comfort to be found in trying to embrace your future with hands worn and hurting from building walls to hold it back.
There is only the moment you finally see that some choices, the ones made with the desires of the heart, are the true choices worth considering, the ones worth acting on…the only choices that ever need to be made.
From here I can go anywhere, and so I am choosing to get out of my own way.
I am choosing to break down the first wall in my way…I am choosing to break down myself first.
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