Day 156 "I Am here"

At times I find myself questing why I am here? Is there a purpose to all this? Am I sharing this experience with anyone at all, or are we all alone trying to avoid this fact?

Sometimes I look to others to show me the way, I try to read the signs that I hope the universe is sending me, and other times I know that I must show me the way.

How can anyone know if they are reading the signs right or if they are following their intuition properly? Is happiness the only way to know if the proper choice has been made? If your happiness brings about the sadness of another, does that mean anything at all? Is there ever a motion forward that does not send someone else back, even on some universal level?

How can I possibly know if I am doing this right? If I am supposed to burning my past so aggressively or am I also burning the lessons I am supposed to be learning as well?

I look ahead as if forward is the direction I am supposed to be going, but I know that this may not be the case at all. I ask the universe for a sign I can read without hesitation, for a moment I can hold longer than only a moment more. I ask that the world can stop completely, for just one single moment, one long enough to collect my thoughts, but I also know that asking for the impossible is only the symptom of an ignorant and lost mind, a mind that believes that hope is the only answer there is at all.

I want to know if I have enough time to build enough momentum to create the change I feel is necessary. I want to know if I am supposed to create any real change at all.

Perhaps this is the moment where I am supposed to stare ahead without looking back, the moment where the desire to read any sign at all should be ignored to its fullest.

Is this the moment that I thought happened by accident, or have I always planned for this destination by the choices I chose to make?

I have tripped along the path as blindly as I know I was supposed to, and for every moment I cursed this gift of the unknown, I learned to apologize for the weakness in having cursed it.

I have no idea why I am here or where I am supposed to be going.

I do not know if I am reading the signs properly or simply translating them the way I see fit.

All I know is that I am here, right now, and that the echoes of my travels resonate among these unknown walls everywhere I go, and they speak of what matters most; I am here, wherever here is? Wherever here will take me? I am here, and that is all that has ever mattered.