Where does this desire to experience more come from? Why am I so
restless and complicated? Why do I even have to ask myself why at all?
It is as if the universe itself has no intention of letting me find a
place that I won’t want to leave. There is nothing wrong with this path that I
walk, but my guarded heart knows that it cannot stay here, this was never going
to become the place that I call home, and I cannot settle that wandering spirit
of mine that wants to see what is on the other side of the mountain in front of
me, to see beyond this titan that tries to slow my progress and persuade me to
stop the climb before I reach even the lowest handhold.
Nothing can stop me now.
I have seen beyond other hills and discovered their many treasures, and
this monolithic wall that tries to impede my progress will not be holding me
back; not while I climb with this terrible fear of looking back on where I have
come from.
Looking back is like looking down, and if you stop to see where you were
long enough, the natural fear of the potential fall starts to sink in; and the
potential fall becomes more of a reality for every second you stare down into
your own history.
It took a lot to get here, to this moment and this place in time. It
took a long time to find the first handhold on this mountain that I am choosing
to climb, and from this height, to even look back a single day feels impossibly
dangerous.
I can tell that I am supposed to overcome these many adversities, that I
am to keep climbing against all the fears that I have welling up inside me,
because I am still here, still fighting for a better moment, and still
searching for the next handhold to grab onto.
As I scale this titan that is life once again, I am choosing to let the
past be what it is; the past.
As I dig my heels in and accept all these scrapes and bruises of my
actions, I am willing myself to stay away from this desire to look back, to
look down, and to see who I once was.
With every step away from the safety of the ground below is the
inspiration and drive that comes from moving towards the unknown future ahead.
With every blind, but hopeful, step towards the top of this great
construction, I know that the universe isn’t focused on me now, I know now that
what I am doing is without the support and safety of anything or anyone at all.
What I do now, I do for me, because inside I know that I have no other choice.
I know that this place was never meant to be called home.
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