I have been walking for so long now, with one determined footstep after
another, and practically moved forward by my blind faith in hope alone.
I have analyzed every step, and with every heavy step I asked myself who
would approve of the distance I have made so far?
I asked, but there never came any answer, only this silence.
Somehow I left behind a piece of home, a part of myself that I swore to
protect, and a part of myself that Time The Thief demanded to stay back; this
part of me now left orphaned and shaking in the cold.
Mirrors no longer give an honest reflection, and now only our honest
thoughts can truly tell us who or where we really are.
I fight for hope because the fragment I started this journey with needed
my protection, and because without this fight to preserve this last bit of my
optimism, this ember would have long ago flickered and died out…leaving me only
in a darkness I am not ready for.
There has been no road map for my journey, and only faith, hope,
optimism and blind momentum have been needed for the distance made so far.
There is no exact destination anymore, no place to be and no time to be
there either. No one leaves the lights on anymore, and home is a dream lost in
the haze of yesterday.
For me, home is now only a hope.
I am aware of the heaviness of gravity, and how every step taken is an
act of defiance against the universes will to slow me down.
I know there will be times when I can relax, and even more times where
rest will simply not be an option. There will be times where I forget to care
enough about the important things, and I will no doubt make the mistake of
taking this precious life for granted yet again.
I attempt to honor the memory of the ones I cannot walk with now, just
as I try to protect the ones still here
beside me, the ones still within the void of my selfish ways.
With every footstep I try harder to learn to let go of the messy weight
of my dark thoughts, the best that I can and as quickly as I can…but I am
flawed, and I have become quite accustomed to tripping over my next footstep.
Today I woke up with thoughts of what I thought I needed to do to reach
my destination, and what I need to change in myself to understand that it is
the journey that matters more than where I
will arrive.
Today I saw some clarity in the path that outstretches before me, and I
know that some truths are not to be second guessed.
I will end up where Fate wills me.
I will leave behind what Time The Thief demands me to.
I will always strive the best that I can to protect the things that make
me feel blessed enough to experience this gift of life, no matter how much pain
it may desire to share with us.
I know that from here, just like yesterday, I will walk forward through
the fear and pain, and through both love and loss…I will push through this
sadness to those better days ahead.
From here I will walk...one
hopeful foot after another.
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