Day 152 "Logic And Fear"

Another day in my life shared with Danbox, and I could not appreciate his company more. Somehow he always manages to place things in the proper perspective, and I know that he struggled emotionally over this past week while I struggled, wrestled, and fed all these demons of doubt and loss.

Now today I have to myself, and just the knowledge that I can go anywhere, do anything, is enough to give me option paralysis.

Danbox does not approve of my procrastination, he does not allow me the luxury of self-pity for long periods of time…and right now he is pointing towards the door while holding the keys to my vehicle.

There is no point in arguing for my current plan to lay on the couch and think, it’s beautiful outside, no one owns my time today, and Danbox clearly wants to get out of town.

We left the city behind in the distance, along with the weight of our urban lives.

More than an hour later we made our way to an abandoned picnic site hidden within a lush forest, and it was here where Danbox gave me the freedom to be aware with my thoughts, and of course now they were less negative in essence than they were in my current run down place.

The first lesson he taught me today, I must be aware of being aware, and I must consciously decide the roads that I am willing to let my mind travel. I must never choose to stand still, stagnant and within my negative thoughts.

I must move for the sake of creating some sort of momentum to build off of.

For the moment I let the little box man out of my sight, and I lay with my back down on the wooden picnic table and look up at the sky.

I realize that I do not look at the sky in awareness anymore. That the clouds have lost their wonder and the stars do not shine enough light to get my attention.

I realize right now that Danbox has become aware of this disturbing trend in my psyche, and right now I am aware of the lesson that he wanted me to learn.

After what felt like the better part of an hour I decided to find out where Danbox had decided to go.

It wasn’t long before I was taught my next lesson for the day, and it started with watching the little box man crossing over a raging river by using a very risky fallen log to do so.

I went to rush to him, to stop him, to save him, but he held up his hand to me as if to say “there is no need”.

I knew that I was only supposed to watch, and to learn a lesson here, and after a few moments I was aware of his thoughts. I could almost hear him speaking directly to my heart. The words reached through to me as I watched him take this risk willingly, and I was aware and open for the next lesson. I knew that Danbox approved by his slight smile send my way.

Lesson two.

The adventurous life, the fulfilling life, the life in which you end up looking back on stories worth remembering, is a life in which you must take more risks and not less.

It is a life of uncertainty that you want, not a life where every story has an expected ending, and even though this goes against the illusion of safety and control that most of us feel we must have in order to exist, it is without a doubt, the most certain thing you must strive for.

I can tell that there is supposed to be a struggle in almost everything that we do. That we are expected to see all things from as many angles as possible, and to never allow yourself the freedom to think you know everything about anything.

These struggles are not always the size of a titan, and some do not exist on any level of physical awareness, but there is always a payoff in challenging the storms, no matter how great or small.

There is always worth and growth in taking the chances that you might not feel comfortable with, or that you would ever want to, and in Danbox's case, balancing on a log over raging waters that would no doubt end his little existence, is exactly the experience he feels he needs to have. This is a story that he wants to carry with him, or perhaps it’s simply a fear that he wishes to challenge? I know better than to ask.

Which brings us to lesson three.

Your reasons are your reasons, and there is no reason to feel like you have to ever explain them to anyone.

Thank you Danbox, once again, for showing me that I need more than just logic and fear alone, and that there must always be room for awareness in the lessons being taught.

There must always be the decision to meet the experience and not wait for it to arrive.