Day 143 "A Safe Place"

The living experience has a way of challenging you on a regular basis. It has infinite creative ways of testing your limits, your resolve, and your will, so frequently that it can be exhausting, if not just shy of an overwhelming joke.

We try so hard to find shelter in anything and everything, and we even take a gamble on the illusion of safety that we think we may find in another.

These days the sky could be raining fire and I would somehow force myself to seek shelter a few minutes too late, but why?

Is there any reason that I would choose to stand in harm’s way willingly?

Do I believe that I need to pay a heavy penance for something?

Or is this how I choose to feel alive in these moments?

Here I stand, alongside Danbox, defiant against this impossible force, and we look to the sky as if to say “Do your worst!”, but it is not long before we are forced to find safety and shelter, somewhere… anywhere but here.

I do miss the days where I felt both strong and impervious against any force, where even Time The Thief didn't seem to want to pay attention to me, those days long gone now, where I believed in the possibility and security in everything and anything.

I miss the days in which I never ran for shelter, those long gone days where my hope and optimism was worn like a badge of honor or suit of armor.

Then came the lightening, and it struck upon my resolve, over and over again, until nothing more than this fear cloaked me, and my armor was left scattered and scorched upon the floor.

At first I sought shelter in the cold loneliness of loss, followed by hiding in a forest burning of anger and rage, but after a time there came a reason to try and live without either at all…and it was here that I hid far away from the darkest clouds that I have ever known.

I knew that there was a possibility that this might be a storm that never passes, and I still wait to see if it will come pass, the difference now is that I no longer stay hidden in the illusion of any safety. Now I try to live with the worry and the lighting, with the doubt and the loss, and with every strike upon my skin I protect the only thing worth sheltering, this last ember of hope I still have inside.