Day 252 "I Stand Empty, But Hopeful"

Here I stand with Danbox in this vast empty space within a full forest.

I ask him for an answer, I plead for it, I want to know "Where am I to go from here?"

The little box man doesn’t answer me back, instead he simply stares at me with those troubles eyes.

I know it will work itself out, that my heart will sort itself out, and I know that it is time to let go of my desire for control.

I want to know is Danbox understands this struggle I have within me. I want to know if I am alone in this, or whether he too has been as anxious as I have been recently.

I stand within this moment, still trying to control this moment, but I have no control over this moment, I never did and I never will.

I have to accept that chaos plays a larger role in my life than I am willing to accept.

I have to accept that I still walk alone with hope, that I still walk alone, that I still walk ahead into the frightening unknown.

Here I stand, naked and honest, honest and vulnerable...vulnerable and defeated.

“What is all this for Danbox?”

He still doesn’t reply, only now he lifts his arm up to show me that he holds nothing at all.

A moment later and he acts as if he is dropping nothing at all from his hand, and it all becomes clear; he too knows that trying to control anything is the same as trying to control nothing at all, and that letting go of even the things we cannot see, is still letting go.

I am empty within this forest.

I am learning to let go of this empty desire to control the outcome.

I am hopeful that I will fill myself again.

I am hopeful that I will, one day, let go of this need to know who I am supposed to be, and instead accept who I am right now.